The Valley Exposes How Digital Platforms Enable Emotional Abuse, Even During Therapy

The Bravo reality TV show, "The Valley," a spinoff of "Vanderpump Rules," is unintentionally shining a light on a disturbing trend: the use of digital platforms to perpetuate emotional abuse, even when the abuser is supposedly seeking professional help. Episode 3 of Season 2 captures a particularly poignant scene where Brittany Cartwright, en route to a relaxing weekend in Santa Barbara, is bombarded with text messages from her husband, Jax Taylor, who is at a rehab facility. This seemingly innocuous exchange reveals a deeper, more insidious form of emotional manipulation that is often overlooked.

The article highlights how Taylor, despite being in therapy for nearly seven hours a day, uses his 15-minute breaks to “rage check” on Cartwright. These incessant messages probe her activities, her interactions with others, and the state of their relationship. Cartwright expresses her disillusionment in a confessional, admitting she naively believed Taylor’s 30-day rehab stay would bring her some peace. "How dumb was I?" she laments.

This scenario, according to Jordan Pickell, a relationship expert and trauma counselor, is a classic indicator of a cyclical pattern of abuse. Pickell explains that these relationships often experience periods of calm, which can feel like progress. However, these moments of peace are merely precursors to the next incident, followed by reconciliation, and then the cycle repeats. The season premiere of "The Valley" already revealed a prior incident where Taylor allegedly flipped a coffee table after seeing a video Cartwright sent to another man, demonstrating the volatility of their relationship.

The article emphasizes that Taylor’s decision to seek in-patient treatment should not be dismissed entirely. It’s a positive step that suggests a willingness to address his issues. However, Pickell cautions that individuals with emotional dysregulation can sometimes manipulate therapy to mask their behaviors or even use it as a weapon. "I’ve seen people on the receiving end of that behavior, and they describe their partners weaponizing the fact they’re working on themselves to deflect from the impact they’re still having," she explains.

Even though Taylor is physically separated from Cartwright, his persistent messaging creates a constant source of emotional pressure, denying her any genuine respite. This raises a critical question: how can someone be held accountable for emotional harm inflicted through digital channels, especially when they are ostensibly seeking help?

The article extends its analysis beyond the immediate couple, examining the role of the friend group in enabling or challenging harmful relationship dynamics. The fact that some of Taylor’s friends continue to text him and support his promotional events, despite his behavior, is problematic. Pickell underscores the importance of friend groups holding each other accountable and establishing a "zero tolerance" policy for emotionally distressing behavior. This could involve calling out the problematic individual or, in extreme cases, severing ties with them.

The piece stresses that even without physical violence, persistent and unwanted digital contact can be a form of abuse. It emphasizes that the recipient is never to blame and offers practical advice on recognizing and addressing such situations. Resources like itsnotviolent.com provide interactive tools, such as a text-based game, to help individuals identify and respond to potentially harmful online interactions.

Furthermore, the article offers a crucial message to those experiencing this type of abuse: it is permissible to set boundaries, even when the abuser is in therapy. "You’re allowed to say, ‘I support you, I’m glad you’re going to therapy, but you can’t be contacting me at this time,’" Pickell advises.

The article also touches upon the concept of coercive control, a form of abuse often characterized by patterns of domination and control that can be difficult to prove. While the term may not be explicitly used in all legal or public discussions, its underlying principles are highly relevant to situations like the one depicted in "The Valley."

Ultimately, the article serves as a reminder that emotional abuse can take many forms, and digital platforms have created new avenues for its perpetration. It underscores the importance of recognizing these behaviors, setting boundaries, and holding both individuals and their support systems accountable for creating and perpetuating environments of emotional harm. The exposure offered by shows like "The Valley," while perhaps unintentional, is an important step in raising awareness and fostering healthier relationship dynamics. The ongoing digital contact in the show serves to underscore the need for a greater understanding of emotional abuse and the ways in which technology can be used to inflict harm. It is important for individuals, couples, and communities to have access to resources and support systems that can help them identify and address these issues. The article ultimately calls for a more proactive and compassionate approach to preventing and addressing emotional abuse in all its forms.