The Enduring Role of Grandparents in American Childhood

We often lament the isolation of modern family life – parents struggling alone, children confined indoors, the fading sense of community. But a counter-trend is emerging, one that steers American childhood toward a more communal path: grandparents are stepping into larger, more sustained roles in the lives of their grandchildren.

Several factors contribute to this shift. Demographic changes are playing a significant role. As birth rates decline, the average number of grandchildren per grandparent has also decreased. A grandmother in the Washington, D.C., area shared that while her mother had thirteen granddaughters, she herself has only four grandchildren. This smaller number, she notes, translates to more quality time with each grandchild.

Longer life expectancies also mean children enjoy more years with their grandparents than in previous generations, even with parents having children later in life. A sociologist at Penn State University suggests these trends are fostering deeper relationships between grandparents and grandchildren.

This grandmother and her husband exemplify this trend, spending summers in Minnesota with their grandchildren, engaging in activities like cooking, crafting, roughhousing, and even staging plays and puppet shows. She playfully mentioned that her eleven-year-old granddaughter has her husband “wrapped around her finger,” willing to participate in dress-up and pretend to be a ballerina.

Beyond these impromptu performances, grandparents offer a multitude of benefits to children. Studies across cultures indicate that increased time spent with grandparents is linked to improved educational outcomes and better mental health. A professor emerita of nursing at Georgia State University, who has studied grandparents raising grandchildren, notes that they can provide children with a fresh perspective and often approach childcare with a more relaxed attitude compared to their stressed-out adult children.

However, grandparents are increasingly filling the gaps in America’s struggling childcare system, a role they don’t always welcome. Experts argue that policymakers should implement reforms that enable grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren out of choice, not necessity.

Close bonds between grandparents and grandchildren are not a new phenomenon. Intergenerational caregiving by grandparents, particularly grandmothers, has been present since the dawn of humanity. Multigenerational households have long been prevalent in many communities, with Asian American, Black, and Latino families more likely than white families to have grandparents and grandchildren living under the same roof.

However, the notion that grandparents traditionally provided extensive childcare is not entirely accurate. In the early United States, individuals often became grandparents while still raising their own young children, limiting their availability for grandparenting duties. Today, smaller families and later childbirth mean grandparents are less likely to be actively parenting their own children when grandchildren arrive.

While declining birth rates may disappoint some older adults who desire large families, it also means grandparents can dedicate more quality time to each grandchild. White grandfathers born in 1880 had an average of nine grandchildren, whereas those born in 1960 have fewer than six. The decrease has been even more pronounced for Black men, from approximately eleven to around six.

The nature of the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is also evolving. Older adults are generally more active than in previous generations, allowing them to engage more fully in play with their grandchildren. They are also wealthier. Prior to the 1960s, older age groups experienced the highest rates of poverty, but now they possess the highest rates of wealth. This means grandparents can afford to buy presents, take grandchildren on outings, and travel to visit them more frequently.

Simultaneously, skyrocketing childcare costs and the increasing demands of parental jobs have fueled a greater need for assistance from grandparents. A sociologist at the University of Puget Sound, who studies grandparenting, observes that more grandparents are responding to this need by providing regular childcare, sometimes for multiple days per week, a phenomenon known as “intensive grandparenting.”

While grandparent care has historically been more common in communities of color and immigrant communities, it is now increasingly prevalent among white, middle-class families. A 2023 poll indicated that over 40 percent of working parents relied on their children’s grandmother for childcare.

The Washington, D.C., area grandmother often cares for her grandchildren during the summer and on visits, including staying with them while their parents took a two-week vacation. During these extended periods, her granddaughter becomes “like a child, almost,” rather than simply a grandchild, feeling comfortable and secure in her care.

In addition to alleviating some of the pressure on parents, grandparents can significantly influence a child’s worldview. They can serve as role models and may be more available to focus on their grandchildren compared to parents who are deeply engaged in their careers. A professor emerita of nursing notes that grandparents can give children their undivided attention.

Spending time with grandparents can also transform a child’s perception of aging. Children with close relationships with grandparents often view older individuals as "vibrant" rather than "icky."

Grandparents also offer high-quality, trusted care at a time when such care is difficult to find. However, providing regular childcare can be demanding, even for grandparents in good health. The responsibilities of intensive grandparenting disproportionately affect grandmothers, who may struggle to balance their own needs with those of their grandchildren. Some grandparents retire early to assist with grandchildren, creating financial strain, particularly in low-income families. Many grandparents also cover expenses like food and diapers while caring for their grandchildren, adding to their financial burden.

Some politicians have suggested that grandparents could "help out a little bit more" as a way to address the high cost of daycare. However, experts caution against placing the burden of childcare challenges on the older generation. Grandparents often want to help, but they want it to be a choice, not the only option for their daughters to be able to work for pay.

Affordable, accessible childcare would enable grandparents to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives without feeling pressured or exhausted. Paid parental leave would also be beneficial, as many grandparents are called upon to care for infants when their parents return to work.

In some states, grandparents can receive subsidies for caring for their grandchildren, but these subsidies are often insufficient to cover the actual cost of care. Many grandparents express the need for a "living wage" for their caregiving efforts.

There is growing recognition in American society that ensuring the health and financial stability of parents also benefits children. It is now time to extend this understanding to grandparents as well, acknowledging the vital role they play and providing them with the support they need to thrive.