Gabby Petito: A Tragedy Illuminating the Shadow of Domestic Violence
The disappearance and tragic death of Gabby Petito in 2021 captivated the nation, a stark reminder of the hidden dangers lurking within intimate relationships. The young woman’s cross-country van trip with her fiancé, Brian Laundrie, transformed from a seemingly idyllic adventure into a nightmare. After a widespread search, Petito’s body was discovered in Wyoming, the victim of strangulation. Laundrie, upon returning to Florida alone, also vanished, only to be found later, deceased from suicide, alongside a written confession admitting to Petito’s murder.
The case, filled with its twists and turns, has become a point of emphasis on the insidious nature of domestic violence. Now, a new Netflix documentary series, "American Murder: Gabby Petito," meticulously reconstructs the events leading to Petito’s death, utilizing text messages, social media videos, and interviews with family members to create a compelling narrative about the complexities of abusive relationships.
One of the documentary’s most significant contributions lies in its ability to dismantle common misconceptions surrounding abusers. It highlights the fundamental element of abuse: coercive control. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that an abuser will be violent from the start. This is a dangerous fallacy. Abuse rarely manifests as immediate physical aggression. Instead, it often begins subtly, with the abuser concealing red flags early in the relationship. Abusive language, domineering control, and eventually, physical violence, creep in slowly, ensnaring the victim before they fully recognize the danger.
In the documentary, Laundrie initially appears unassuming, almost ordinary. While some may have sensed a subtle unease, he doesn’t project an image of violence. He comes across as quiet, perhaps even insecure. He charms Petito, and their relationship progresses rapidly. This whirlwind romance is a common tactic employed by abusers, rushing the relationship to create an emotional dependency before the abusive behavior becomes apparent.
It’s crucial to emphasize that not every fast-paced relationship is inherently abusive. However, abusive relationships almost always accelerate through the initial stages of getting to know someone, both as a person and as a partner. Physical violence is rarely the opening act. However, elements of emotional abuse frequently appear early on, as the documentary starkly demonstrates.
Like many abusers, Laundrie exhibits several signs of controlling behavior, subtle enough that they might be easily overlooked. The documentary reveals text messages in which he complains about Petito’s work and the time she spends away from him, including time with friends. He resorts to name-calling in some messages and displays jealousy.
Despite these warning signs, the couple quickly reconciles, highlighting Petito’s desire to make the relationship work. This is a recurring theme in abusive relationships. The victim is so emotionally invested that they tend to rationalize or ignore the early signs of destructive behavior.
Laundrie also isolates Petito, another common tactic used by abusers. While the decision to travel across the country in a converted van may have seemed like a shared adventure, it also served to separate Petito from her support system. The lack of reliable cell service in many of the locations they visited further exacerbated the situation, creating an environment ripe for manipulation and control.
The police bodycam video released in 2021 offered a chilling glimpse into their relationship, a scene further contextualized by the text messages and journal entries presented in the documentary. The video, recorded less than a month before Petito was reported missing, is disturbing because it reveals a classic example of an abusive dynamic.
Following a 911 call reporting a potential domestic violence incident, police in Moab, Utah, confronted the couple. The caller reported seeing Laundrie slap Petito, but the police seemed to focus on scratches on Laundrie’s face. Even though Petito was crying, Laundrie claimed that she had slapped him.
The police separated the couple to conduct interviews. When an officer asked Petito why she was crying, she deflected, blaming herself and citing "personal issues." Both claimed that they were arguing and became violent, but their body language painted a different picture. Petito struggled to calm down, while Laundrie remained relaxed, even charming, as he joked with the officers. He seemed to be in good humor with the police, even as his fiancée was clearly distraught.
The police accepted their story. “You’re the victim of a domestic assault,” one officer told Laundrie.
They provided him with a hotel room for the night, leaving Petito alone in the van.
This scene is infuriating, not only because of Petito’s fate but because the police failed to recognize a typical dynamic in abusive relationships. Abusers crave control and maintain it by manipulating their victims and those around them.
Abusers are adept at gaslighting, convincing their victims and others that they are charming and kind, that their partners are the problem. Abusers frequently play the victim, effortlessly transitioning from bully to supposed victim.
They are often so skilled at this deception that they can even fool therapists and police officers, the very people victims turn to for help.
Petito’s story is profoundly heartbreaking, but it serves as a valuable lesson, shedding light on the pervasiveness of violence and abuse against women. The World Health Organization estimates that, globally, one in three women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetimes.
Following her daughter’s death, Petito’s parents established the Gabby Petito Foundation to raise awareness about the cycles and signs of abuse. The foundation provides training programs and other resources on domestic violence. Online resources that allow victims to search in private are crucial for educating them about abusive relationships and providing pathways to escape.
Policy changes are also crucial. Thanks in part to the advocacy of Petito’s parents, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox signed a law in 2023 requiring police officers responding to domestic violence calls to ask specific questions to assess the risk of harm to the victim. Every state should adopt similar measures.
Ultimately, the most effective way to combat abuse is for women, and especially men, to stand against it, expose this insidious behavior, and demand that it stop.
The Netflix documentary concludes with footage from the only video Petito uploaded to her vlogging channel. She is shown running along a beach on a sunny day, young, carefree, and full of life. Her entire future lies ahead of her.
We know that her life would tragically end far too soon. She became another victim of a violent abuser, her life cut short by the evil of domestic violence. This documentary serves as a powerful reminder of the urgent need for awareness, intervention, and systemic change to protect vulnerable individuals and prevent future tragedies.
