Understanding Emotional Abuse: A Silent Wound
While physical, verbal, and sexual abuse often come to mind when we think of abuse, emotional abuse can be easily overlooked. This subtle form of harm can have a devastating impact on a person’s well-being. Recognizing emotional abuse is crucial, as it often stems from motivations like control, jealousy, or shame. The ultimate goal, according to Joanne Broder, a practicing psychologist, is to make someone feel inadequate or guilty.
What Emotional Abuse Entails
Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, is a non-physical way to exert power or control over another person. Juanita Guerra, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes that it involves hurting, frightening, or isolating the victim. This form of abuse can manifest in various ways, leaving both short-term and long-term scars.
The Harmful Effects of Emotional Abuse
The consequences of emotional abuse can be far-reaching. Victims may experience impaired social and emotional development, leading to low self-esteem and difficulty regulating their emotions. Their academic or professional performance can suffer, and they may struggle to form healthy relationships.
Nadine Kaslow, a professor of psychiatry, highlights the link between emotional abuse and mental health challenges. Victims are more prone to post-traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self-harm, substance misuse, and even suicidal thoughts.
Lisa Elliott, a licensed psychologist, notes that emotional abuse can even manifest physically, causing headaches, stomach ulcers, or insomnia. These physical symptoms underscore the profound impact of emotional distress on the body.
Who is Affected?
Emotional abuse can occur in any relationship, regardless of age, gender, or social status. It can happen between peers, teachers and students, friends, romantic partners, colleagues, or family members. Social media interactions can also be a breeding ground for emotional abuse.
Guerra emphasizes that emotional abuse is particularly damaging to vulnerable populations like children, the elderly, or individuals with a history of trauma. These individuals may lack the resources and coping mechanisms to protect themselves.
Recognizing the Signs
Emotional abuse can be difficult to detect, as it often occurs subtly. However, certain behaviors can be indicative of this form of abuse. These include belittling, talking down to someone, frequent dirty looks or eye-rolling, withholding affection or approval, and deliberately ignoring someone through the "silent treatment."
Kaslow adds that constant criticism, name-calling, intimidation, manipulation through blame, shame, guilt, gaslighting, humiliation, and scapegoating are all forms of emotional abuse.
In school or social media settings, emotional abuse can take the form of deliberately excluding a peer from a social group, preventing them from sitting at a lunch table, spreading rumors, or telling lies to ruin friendships or reputations.
Guerra points out that sometimes, the person experiencing emotional abuse may not even recognize it until they are in considerable distress.
Understanding Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity. It can involve denying their experiences, distorting reality, and making them doubt their memory or perception.
Seeking Help and Healing
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional abuse, it’s important to remember that you are not alone and help is available.
The first step is to acknowledge that the abuse is happening and that you do not deserve to be treated this way, says Broder. Establishing healthy boundaries with the abuser is crucial. Communicating messages like "Please do not call me those names" or "Do not talk to me like that" can help set limits.
Parents, teachers, school counselors, human resource representatives, and clergy members can all provide initial support, depending on the context of the abuse. Elliott advises parents who are approached by a child with abuse-related concerns to consult with their physician or pediatrician for guidance on obtaining therapy services.
Kaslow recommends the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788, which is confidential and available 24/7/365. Guerra emphasizes that emotional abuse can be treated therapeutically with the help of a skilled professional.
Kaslow also recommends focusing on healing and recovery, creating self-care routines, and distancing yourself from the abuser, when possible. She adds that it is important to recognize that you cannot fix or change the perpetrator. Change is only possible if the perpetrator chooses to change and seeks help.
Broder emphasizes the importance of self-care and surrounding yourself with people, things, and experiences that bring you joy and make you feel valued. With the right tools and support, it is possible to heal from emotional abuse and move past the trauma.
