Barry Diller Opens Up About Sexuality, Marriage to Diane von Fürstenberg in New Memoir

Tech billionaire Barry Diller, known for his leadership roles at IAC and Expedia Group, is offering a more nuanced understanding of his sexuality and the complexities of his long and scrutinized relationship with iconic fashion designer Diane von Fürstenberg. In a candid excerpt from his upcoming memoir, "Who Knew," Diller, 83, addresses years of speculation, acknowledging his experiences with same-sex attraction while affirming the profound and enduring love he shares with Fürstenberg, 78.

The excerpt, published in New York Magazine on May 6th, serves as a form of coming out for Diller, who has largely remained private about his sexuality throughout his career. The full memoir, slated for release on May 20th, promises to delve deeper into the personal life of a man who has significantly shaped the landscape of media and entertainment.

"While there have been a good many men in my life, there has only ever been one woman, and she didn’t come into my life until I was 33 years old," Diller writes of Fürstenberg, setting the stage for a story that defies conventional definitions of love and relationships.

Diller and Fürstenberg have been married since 2001, a union that has intrigued and sometimes baffled observers given Diller’s reported history. A 2001 New York Magazine article alluded to Diller being "often referred to as bisexual" and having "lived most of his adult life as a more or less openly gay man."

In his memoir, Diller sheds light on the complexities of his attraction to both men and women, asserting that the "biological imperative" of his relationship with Fürstenberg "was as strong in its heterosexuality as its opposite had been." He acknowledges the confusion and speculation surrounding their relationship, describing it as a blend of "romantic love and deep respect, companionship and world adventuring, then disappointment and separation, and finally marriage."

Diller reveals that despite having sexual experiences with men dating back to his teenage years, he harbored a deep-seated fear of publicly disclosing his sexuality. "I’d conquered other phobias, but fear of exposure still had a tyrannical hold on me, so much so that it stunted any chance of my having a fulfilling personal life," he writes. He describes a coping mechanism of "locking it away, putting it into a distant box, and having to deal with it hopefully never."

This reluctance to openly embrace his sexuality stemmed from a broader societal context where same-sex attraction was often stigmatized and marginalized. Diller recalls a time when many individuals felt compelled to live "a pretend life, one that was totally silent on all the topics normal people talked about with each other." He expresses regret for not having been among those who "came out" earlier, attributing his silence to fear of ostracization.

Diller and Fürstenberg’s paths crossed in the mid-1970s at a dinner party celebrating his appointment as chairman and CEO of Paramount. At the time, Fürstenberg was married to Prince Egon von Fürstenberg. The pair reconnected later at another dinner, initiating what Diller describes as a "ferocious" romance.

He reflects on the unexpected nature of their connection, emphasizing the absence of calculation or ulterior motives. "There was no effort, no reasoning, no what’s-going-on-here, no ambition, no anything," Diller writes. "Other than sheer excitement, I thought, Well, this is a surprise! I certainly didn’t feel, Oh my God, what does this mean? I was simply existing in the moment, a rare place for me."

Their love story encountered turbulence in the 1980s when Diller allegedly discovered that Fürstenberg had an affair with actor Richard Gere during the production of the Paramount Pictures film "American Gigolo." This led to a decade-long separation, during which both individuals pursued their own paths before ultimately reconciling.

Despite the challenges, Diller describes his relationship with Fürstenberg as the "bedrock of my life." He observes the evolving understanding of sexuality, noting that "sexual identities are much more fluid and natural, without all those rigidly defined lanes of the last century."

Diller directly addresses the assumptions and narratives that have circulated about their relationship over the years. "I’ve lived for decades reading about Diane and me: about us being best friends rather than lovers," he writes. He clarifies that their connection was characterized by "an explosion of passion that kept up for years."

He concludes by affirming his love for Fürstenberg while acknowledging his attraction to men, asserting that these aspects of his identity were not mutually exclusive. "And, yes, I also liked guys, but that was not a conflict with my love for Diane. I can’t explain it to myself or to the world. It simply happened to both of us without motive or manipulation. In some cosmic way we were destined for each other."

Diller’s willingness to share his personal story offers a glimpse into the complexities of human relationships and the evolving understanding of sexuality. His memoir promises to be a revealing and insightful account of a life lived at the intersection of business, culture, and personal identity. It challenges conventional notions of love and commitment, suggesting that enduring relationships can thrive even when they defy societal expectations. The full release of "Who Knew" is eagerly anticipated, promising a deeper exploration of Diller’s life, career, and unique perspective on love and identity.